Updated: May 5, 2020
We have an unusual enemy. The virus and all that surrounds it makes me reflect on how these events were a microcosm of my life, dealing with addiction, and the recovery associated with our nar-anon program.
Let’s start with the signs, China warns us of the problem in Wuhan. The signs are there, but how many of us noticed? We expect our leaders to manage national and international health issues, like H1N1, SARS and Covid-19. How many of us prepare for this kind of thing? Not many, I am sure. Then there is a panic when it comes close to home, and people rush out overstocking on toilet paper, pasta and tins of tomatoes. How often have we ignored the signs of the addict or chose to pretend that things were really, not that bad? Most of us, are not prepared.
Chaos begins. How could this be? The city is shutting down, schools are closing and work says I should stay at home. Everyone is scrambling to fill up their cupboards. I am nervous and afraid of what might happen to me and those I care about. I can’t control what is happening, and can’t rescue those I love. They need to find their way home as I cannot help them. Time goes by, but things don’t get better. Life has become difficult. I am afraid of the unknown. What if I need a plumber, or medicine, or see no-one for weeks? I am feeling frozen with fear, and whilst in the middle of it, we cannot see the end.
Slowly, recovery will happen. We start feeling hopeful, and the sun is shining. Just as quickly, there is bad news, Boris Johnston has Covid-19, what does this mean, if the powerful are affected? Again, life is difficult, and I am afraid. Again, I am isolating. We have no path to the solution, so I will wait to see what happens. Time will go by and things do get better. Relief? I can breathe again, and feel maybe there is hope. I quickly forget the chaos, the disruption to my life, and the fear. Just when getting comfortable again, I hear another report, I am given a sign ‘be careful, stay home’.
I feel as if the Nar-Anon program is our preparation guide. The program, and its components, give us the tools to weather the chaos. The SESH book is our emergency kit. Attending meetings, by Zoom or Skype, keeps us from isolating. Sharing with others, relieves our anxiety. Listening to the stories of people who understand our predicament, provides us with the light, to find our way, and the traction we need to push forward. The spirit of the community, the ability to provide service to others, and the miracles that take place in our rooms, electronic or face to face, are exactly what we need to get through the darkest days.
Through Nar-Anon, I am now aware that life will throw us chaos. Thankfully, I am paying attention, so I can stay on the road to recovery.
Just for Today, this moment. I will take a loving step back and care about, but not feel responsible for, finding other’s solutions.